There’s a scene in popular series The Handmaid’s Tale, somewhere in season 3, that got me thinking.
Without giving any spoilers, the scene revolves around a tortured June (the main protagonist) expressing how tired she is, waiting day and night in the hospital on her knees next to her walking partner’s bed. She asks Lydia if she can go home. Lydia then says something that we’ve all heard at some point in our lives. “God will never give you more than you can handle.” June looks up at her with shifty, tired and bloodshot eyes and meekly asks, “are you sure?”
This is the question I am sitting with today. Is it true that God will never give us more than we can handle?
A few years ago I lost a very good friend when he took his own life. This was not the first person I lost to suicide. In recent years I have lost quite a few loved ones to the darkness of depression.
Surely whatever it was that drove them to that point was too much for them to handle.
I’ve been in situations where life just seemed too much.
But there was always hope. The hope that things would work out, turn out okay.
Paul writes to the church in Corinth and we find the following scripture in his second epistle to the Corinthians (1:8-9):
8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters,[a] about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead.
The Apostles often found themselves in perilous situations, extreme pressure and persecution – so much so that Paul describes a feeling of deep despair – despairing life itself. He compares his circumstances to a death sentence. He describes his situation as far beyond his ability to endure.
The problem with the catchphrase that Lydia (in the scene above) serves up is that it minimizes the situation the other person is going through.
I’ve been in situations that felt like a death sentence. And though I tried my absolute best it just seemed that all my efforts were to no avail.
Every action on my side seemed to worsen the situation.
The danger with this kind of thinking is that when we do face real trials and tribulation this idea can cause a downward spiral of despondency and depression.
If God does not give us more than we can handle then obviously I am not handling the situation correctly. Perhaps there is something wrong with me. Maybe my faith isn’t strong enough. Maybe my sin is too big and God has abandoned me altogether.
Mother Theresa certainly felt like this at times. So did the great reformer Martin Luther.
The fact of the matter is that sometimes our situations really are much bigger than we are, far beyond our own abilities to endure.
“God will never give you more than you can handle” sounds like an encouragement of some sort, but usually only for the one saying it.
The fact of the matter is that even an encouraging thought like this can lead to more severe discouragement.
When Paul writes to the church in chapter 10 of the first epistle to the church in Corinth he says the following: “No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; He will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, He will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).
It is due to people with good intentions misquoting this verse that this saying has become cemented in our thinking. Nowhere as far as I know does God promise to give us only what we can carry. Paul isn’t talking about circumstances or situations in our lives – he is not talking about the horrors of depression, the utter darkness of depression, or the hopelessness of terminal illness. He is not talking about the severe grief that follows the loss of a child or a parent. He is not referring to economic hardship or the aftermath of abuse.
He is talking about sin and temptation. God has given us a way to escape the clutches and consequences of sin.
This does not mean that hardship will not come our way.
We see Jesus in the Garden weeping, “my soul is overwhelmed with sorrow even unto death!” He cries out to the Heavenly Father saying “this is too much for me.”
In the Psalms we often see the psalmists struggling with the same feelings of separation, desperation and what in our modern language could be described as depression, sometimes frustration and anger: “My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Psalm 22)
In times of distress – when a loved one or a friend is going through some terrible something or other – we tend to turn to conventional wisdom masquerading as Biblical truth – promising them what the Bible does not.
Joseph Scriven, who wrote “What A Friend We Have in Jesus”, lived a life with severe tragedy and later in life illness. His friend, a Mister Sackville, writes the following:
“His body was just worn down with toil, and his mind was wearied with failure and disappointment in his work during past years. In the end of his days he failed to trust God to provide for his body wants, and to resign himself to the will of God, and to wait patiently till the Lord’s time came to release him from the body, and to take him home to Himself.” Mister Sackville, having heard of his illness, hastened to him, and found him “just prostrate in mind and body. His greatest fear appeared to be lest he should do anything to dishonour God, or bring reproach on the name of Christ. The one desire and prayer of his heart seemed to be expressed in the words which he was heard to speak a few days before his departure, ‘I wish the Lord would take me home.’ His confidence in the Lord, as to his own personal safety, and the bright prospect of future glory, were firm and unshaken, to the end. Two scriptures I heard him repeat, during the last hour I was with him, ‘I am the Lord’s’ and ‘I will never leave thee nor forsake thee’.”
Mister Sackville brought him to his own house. “We left him,” he says, “about midnight. I withdrew to an adjoining room, not to sleep, but to watch and wait, and occupied myself with reading my brother’s writings, until about 5 o’clock in the morning. You may imagine my surprise and dismay, when, on visiting his room, I found it empty. All search failed to find any trace of the missing one, until a little after noon, the body was discovered in a water nearby, lifeless and cold in death.’ (Port Hope History: http://porthopehistory.com/jmscriven/)
Scriven had suffered from severe illness, poor finances and deep depression – and to this day it is unsure what the circumstances surrounding his death was, although many allege that it was suicide.
Does this diminish the hope presented in “What A Friend We Have In Jesus”?
No.
But perhaps for Scriven there was no other solution. Perhaps he really was fighting a battle too big for him to endure.
The fact I would like to illustrate here is that our endurance is not merely a matter of faith. And sometimes life is too much for us to handle.
This is where we as Christians need to be vigilant.
I’ve spent a lot of time in the twelve step fellowships – my recovery from drug and alcohol abuse was a process of healing – and I learned a lot as a church leader by going through and taking others through this process.
I would have never been able to conquer my active addiction without the support found in these rooms.
And we as Christians can learn a lot from this approach – rather than just saying “God will never give you more than you can handle”, we can journey with our brothers and sisters. We can lend a helping hand. We can sit and listen. We can join in prayer. We can be there. We can be present. Presence over preaching. Practical Christianity rather than feel-good catchphrases.
We realize that in all these situations we are directed Godward.
Sometimes we don’t have the strength to endure or to overcome – sometimes life is more than we can handle – but God is our strength, our hope and our fortress.
Sometimes we don’t know how to help a loved one who is suffering – instead of just handing them a cliche, we are once again directed Godwards – pray and ask for insight and wisdom – ask God how you can be His hands and feet.
Although upon further study of the idea that God does not give us more than we can handle – both in scripture and as experienced personally – we come to realize that this is not true. What is true however is that our help comes from the Lord (Psalm 121), that we can cast all our fears and burdens upon Him (1 Pet 5:7).
Yes, God might allow things beyond your control and ability to befall you – but He is able, more than able to help you out.
And even when it feels like your prayers are getting stuck somewhere on the way to Him, rest assured that you are not alone.
You are never alone.
Hebrews 4:14-16:
14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven,[f] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
What a friend we have in Jesus – to carry all our burdens, anxieties, grief and fear to him in prayer – all our situations and circumstances laid before Him. He gives us mercy, grace and help in our hour of need.
You are never alone.
1 Peter 5:8-11:
8 Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 9 Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings.
10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. 11 To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen.
Someone, somewhere is praying with you. And my prayer for you is that as you read this God will open doors for you, that He will touch your body and heal and restore – that He will send the right people your way to help you as His hands and feet.
You are not alone.
Yes, the burden might be heavy, might seem too much to bear – but God will meet you in your mess and He will carry you through.
When trials and tribulations come, God remains faithful. There is no shadow of turning with Him.
He is our healer, our protector, the one who fights for us. He is Mighty God, Conqueror, Counselor, Prince of Peace and Everlasting Father. The Good Shepherd who leaves the 99 and goes after the one. And He is calling to you today.
Do not fear, but be of good courage – for God is with you. And though your situation might seem so much bigger than you – though my circumstances might seem hopeless at times – though trials and tribulation, hardship and suffering might come – God will be glorified.
Lord, let your Kingdom come, your will be done in our midst.
Zephaniah makes it clear that God is in our midst – the Mighty One who will save.
The idea that God doesn’t give us more than we can handle might not be true – but the fact that God loves you and is bigger than every problem and situation that comes our way is.
He will move mountains for you, part oceans to reach you, make crooked paths straight so that you might approach His throne of love and grace.
In every situation let us turn Godward. Let us turn our eyes upon Jesus and see the things of this earth grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace.